Once, I lived in the industrial section of Portland, in a house that had Forest Park in its backyard and a highway running through its front. Besides the howling junkyard man, I didn’t have any neighbors.
My lawn was often so tall that there was at least one person in Portland, who thought the inhabitant of the house was lying dead inside for months.
I kept getting visits from a landscaper, asking if I wanted my lawn mowed. I always said, no that I was going to get around to it. But, one day, when I was in a particularly good mood, he stopped by and I said, “Okay fine.”
He mowed my lawn and when I asked him how much I owed him he said, “No charge�
“Oh no!� I said, “I have to pay. Please, I do not want someone mowing my lawn for free.�
He then said, “I see you have a pile of wood that needs chopping. I will come tomorrow and chop your wood for you.”
“No!� I said, “I chop my own wood. No, I don’t want any help.� I handed him some money for the lawn but he refused to take it.
Then he looks at me and says, “You don’t wear makeup. I like that. You can see what you’re gettingâ€?
“AaaaaaaaH!” I screamed in my head. “This is why you shouldn’t be friendly to people, stuff like this always ends up happeningâ€? I thought.
Then he starts telling me about how he just got out of the mental hospital and how he had gotten into a little trouble with a woman that had reported him as a stalker. He said he was just being friendly to her.
He starts making plans to plant those stupid little cypress bushes out in front of my house. “No“, I say, “I don’t want cypress bushes.� Then he says that maybe we could have a beer together. I tell him that I don’t drink beer. He says, “Well what do you drink?� I tell him, “I drink Diet Coke, but I never go out because I like to be by myself.�
Some how I get rid of this guy. That night he shows up again but I don’t answer the door.
When my son goes to use the car, he asks, “Why is there a can of Diet Coke on the car?” I tell him that a crazy man that just got out of the mental hospital and has a problem with stalking women, mowed our lawn and now I think he is courting me with cans of Diet Coke.. My son thought it was funny and put the Diet Coke inside and laughed.
The next day when I get home from work there is a can of Diet Coke on the porch with a flower and a note saying that he was just trying to be friendly and that he was sorry if I took it wrong.
He came again that night but I didn’t answer the door. I never answered my door at night for anyone, not just crazy men. If someone wanted to visit me, they would have to call first. It was just my policy, living along a highway and all.
The next day I get home from work and there is another can of Diet Coke on my porch. So, I left it there.
I left it there for a year, maybe two. People would ask me about the can of Diet Coke on my porch and I would tell them that it was my power object to keep crazy men away from me. It worked.
I seem to have the same problem. I’ve decided from now on, that any man who says anything to me, no matter how innocent, will be told to go f*** off. Jeez, you’d think the wedding band on my finger would be enough, but no.